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People generally have a finite amount of Agape. Our patience is not unlimited. The actions of others can and do provoke us even when we have incredible emotional self control. We can only stand by someone through so much before we reach our breaking point. None of these things mean that we do not have Agape Love, they only mean that the limits of our Agape have been exceeded. If we constantly cultivate an Agape Character, it becomes ever harder for others to exceed our Agape threshold.

Likewise, if we we understand that others have a limit amount of Agape, no matter their abundance, we can conduct ourselves to make expressing Agape to us as easy as possible. This is a very loving thing to do. If we don’t push people, they don’t have to use up their patience on us. If we are kind to them, it makes it easy for them to be kind to us. If we don’t try to make them jealous and love and respect them, we don’t push their jealousy limits or give them cause to brag. In each trait, we can make it easy.

UNCONDITIONAL DOES NOT MEAN INFINITE

Agape Love cannot be earned, nor can it be unearned. God Agaped the world and gave His Son to die in the place of all who would trust Him. Agape love is completely unconditional, but it is not infinite. Even God runs out of patience, and even God eventually conducts Himself in a manner that seems decidely unkind. I used to think that God's patience was infinite, but as I read about the Flood, the destruction of Sodom and Gommorah, how God was about to kill Israel at Mount Sinai and other examples, I saw that God's patience was not unlimited.

However, it is of supreme importance to note that God makes His decisions based on infinite wisdom, infinite knowledge and infinite genius along with His love, so He knows exactly when it is best to take which action. We, on the other hand, tend to run out of pateince not because of a wise, insightful calculation of the best decision to make, but because we get exasperated - so the difference is still incalculable.

As we explore Agape Love, we will note that there are many traits that do have limits. A true understanding of Agape reveals that there is a difference between unconditional love and infinite love.

If we consider that as parents of small children we provide for the children unconditionally. We don’t provide only so long as they don’t dirty too many diapers. We don’t provide so long as they don’t wake us up at 2:00 am for a feeding. We provide no matter what. At least the good parents will. But at what level do we provide? While our provision is unconditional, our resources are limited.

Agape is similar. It is completely and totally unconditional. It cannot be earned. It cannot be unearned. Nothing we do can ever change the level of Agape we receive from someone.

What we can do is tax the Agape to its breaking point. An easy place to see this is where Agape bears all things. This means that someone with an Agape character lends a hand, helps bear the burdens of others in need. However, is our ability unlimited in this regard? Of course it is. Some people can only bear so much, emotionally, physically, with time, money, work or other resources. While a person with a strong Agape character will do what he or she can to help alleviate the unbearable burdens of others, one person, no matter how much he might like, can bear the burdens of all. Only God can do that.

By keeping that in mind, we will approach Agape differently. We won’t push people too far just to “see if they really love me unconditionally.” Their love might be unconditional, but very limited. It might even be exceptional, but no matter how much someone has an Agape character and remains committed to the choice of love, everyone has limits.

Rather, it would be best to leave pushing the limits of Agape to enemies, the group for whom one would expect Agape to be the most difficult to maintain. For friends, for family, for the intimacy of marriage to be sure, it would be best if we didn’t push. If we want an intimate relationship, we do not develop that by testing the limits of love.

FIVE COMMANDED AGAPES

Jesus reminds us that the greatest commandments are to Love God and Love our Neighbors (Matthew 22:36-40). Men are commanded to Love their Wives (Ephesians 5:25). Christians are commanded to Love One Another (John 15:17). Perhaps the most difficult of the “Love Commands” is this: “Love Your Enemies” (Luke 6:27). All of these are commands to Agape. God tells us that we are Agape even our enemies. The people we have the most right to hate, he tells us to love. Basically, we are to love everyone. We will cover what it means to love when we systematically explore 1 Corinthians 13.

Love God, Agape God, is the paramount love spoken of throughout the Bible. Loving God first and foremost means that you are most interested in following His standards. For example, let’s take “You cannot serve God and Mammon” (Matthew 6:24) where Jesus says that you cannot serve two masters or you will love one and despise the other. This does not mean you will have strong feelings of loyalty to one and hatred toward the other, it means that when there is a conflict between what each master asks of you, you will regard one as little and ignore the order in favor of the other master. Loving God first means His standards are most important to us and when they conflict with the orders of our bosses, the demands of money, or our friends, we choose God.

Love (Agape) Your Neighbors refers to loving those around you, which is not just the people who live near you, but those who are around you at any time. The Good Samaritan (Luke 10:30-37) did not live anywhere near the man he helped, but was simply passing through. He was regarded as a neighbor although the Samaritans were regarded as lowly by the Jews of the day.

Love (Agape) Your Wives is perhaps the most important command men are given in marriage. Women are told to respect their husbands. The choice to love his wife is an effort a man must sometimes make, since it is easy to get busy, take her for granted, and fail to express the deep, abiding love that led to the marriage in the first place. She needs to be loved, and she needs to know that she is loved.

Love (Agape) One Another is a command for Christians to love all Christians, period. So long as we have Christ in common, it does not matter who, where, or what the other person is, we are to love.

Love (Agape) Your Enemies is the hardest for most people. If you love your enemies, it essentially means that you won’t have anyone whom you consider an enemy, and those who consider you their enemies, who attack you, who go out of their way to cause problems for you, you will love anyway. 1 Corinthians 13 will help us explore what it means to love, notably how it applies to loving your enemies.

One major aspect of loving your enemies will be to act out of love even when you have to hurt them. Like a parent disciplining a child, we are to act out of love, not anger. We know they need to be stopped, and we know that we, or someone else, needs to be protected. We act in the name of protection, in the name of justice, never in the name of anger or revenge.

Each of these loves will manifest somewhat differently, but the principles of love remain the same. You will demonstrate love differently to God, your neighbor, you wife, fellow believers, your enemies, your children, your boss, your teacher, your classmates and your pets. While you show love differently, sometimes with obedience, sometimes with commands, sometimes with hugs, sometimes with punishment, you always show love to everyone. That’s the rule.

DEFINING AGAPE

If we know what Agape is and is not, then we are better prepared to establish it in our hearts. It is not a feeling. It is character. It is choice. At times, it is specifically the absence of a feeling. We will now explore Agape Love one element at a time as it applies to all five commanded loves: God, Neighbors, Wife, Christians and Enemies.

LOVE IS PATIENT

Love is Patient is how the famous love passage starts. Being loving, being patient, also touches on the Golden Rule “Do unto others.” We all have times where we fail, times when we are the annoying one, the person who makes everyone late. At those times we want others to be patient. So we should be patient with them.

We must be patient with God. He knows what He is doing. Often impatience with God has to do with Him not doing what we want. If that’s the case, trust Him. He knows what He’s doing. Our job is the know what we are supposed to do. He isn’t at our beck and call. He does things in His time for our ultimate benefit, even using dismal failure when that’s all we give Him to work with (Romans 8:28). When we pray, when we wait on Him, just be patient. He’s God. He loves you.

Men must be patient with their wives. They love you, and they are human, too. Men must be patient with the many things that are nothing more than God-designed and blessed differences between men and women. They must also be patient with mistakes and failings, since wives will make mistakes. You want them to be patient with you, so be patient with them, even if they aren’t being patient with you.

We must be patient with our neighbors, they are only human. People make mistakes. People can be annoying. Be patient. It’s their life, their attitude, their day, their emotions that they are dealing with. There is not need to let someone else’s bad day become your bad day. Someone else may have a bad attitude, but you can just let them keep it, relax, and be patient.

Christians must be patient with other Christians, we are all works in progress. If we’re alive, God is working with us. We all fail, all sin, and all fall short of God’s perfect will for our lives. If we know we’re not perfect, we should also know that no other Christian is perfect either, and we all have our weaknesses. Be patient. God’s still busy working in us all.

We must be patient with our enemies. They are who they are. They have made themselves the thorn in your side, but that doesn’t mean you have to let them control your emotions. By being patient, you can diffuse much of their power over you. Their actions become inconsequential. After all, they are your enemies, and what else would you expect them to do? They are acting in conformity with their character, and they have their own problems and insecurities, their own failure of character and honor, if they are doing wrong. There is no need to let it bother you. Be patient with them.

LOVE IS KIND

Much of our understanding of kindness usually applies with being nice to people, but how can we be kind to God? Kindness also involves being sympathetic, being compassionate, willing to do good and give pleasure. So what would sympathy be toward God? Perhaps understanding how He feels about people and a world that would walk away from Him, or insist upon doing things their own way, or claiming to be able to do it on their own. Being compassionate, might involve seeking to take care of His children, all Christians, and helping Him achieve His desire that all be saved. Being willing to do good and give pleasure to God might involve ministry, or even something as simple as making one person’s life just a little bit brighter today.

We should be kind to Neighbors, to all people with whom we come in contact. Practice random acts of kindness and you can really make someone’s day. By showing kindness, you can let some people know that there are still people who care. There are still people who will go out of their way to be nice, to do a favor, to give a compliment, to show appreciation, and to encourage others.

Kindness to one another as Christians can include supporting missionaries, helping ministries, prayer, encouragement, note cards to pastors and teachers expressing your appreciation. Naturally, everything that would apply to being kind to anyone applies as well.

How about wives? If you consider expressing love for wives, husbands, children and parents, are we always kind? If you love someone enough to commit your lives to them, shouldn’t they be the first person to whom you seek to be kind? Often, family members are the first people to feel the sting of unkindness. After all, they are safe. It is difficult, sometimes impossible, for them to leave the relationship because of unkindness. But who is most important among people? Since husbands have a special command to be loving to their wives, they should make a special effort to be kind to their wives, to show their love through random acts of kindness, and to give sincere appreciation for all they do. All should be kind to all.

Regarding Enemies, kindness can be an especially powerful tool. Often, when someone is kind, and someone else attacks, people, sometime even bad guys, think it is wrong to attack kind people. If you are a kind person to all, even those who are your enemies, you will find defenders in the most unlikely places. Isn’t it strange that kindly old ladies can live in the worst neighborhoods, and not only will the criminals do nothing to them, but they will actually fight to defend them against other criminals. There are some people that even the bad guys consider off limits, and if you can be one of those people, the likelihood of needing to use violence to resolve a desperate situation is greatly reduced.

LOVE IS NOT JEALOUS

When God says He is a Jealous God, He means He is intolerant of people treating wood and stone as though they were equal to the Almighty Creator. That makes sense, doesn’t it? Who ultimately suffers? His children! He is jealous for us, not jealous of us. He does not envy what we can do and wish that He could do it, too. Likewise, we should not be jealous of God, the fact that He should always come first, even in the lives of our families and friends, and that we should never be number one in anyone’s life.

Neighbors, people we come across every day, will ALWAYS have more of something than we do. They might have a bigger house, or a nicer car, or newer clothes. They might be smarter in school, have a better job, or have nicer vacations. They might have a better behaved child, or they might have better war stories about injuries and disasters. It can be easy to get get jealous and want what they have. Remember, though, that you are you, not them, and they paid a price for what they have. The old game of “keeping up with the Joneses” had sent too many people diving headlong into debt and bankruptcy. Do not covet their lives. You probably couldn’t handle it any more than they could handle yours. Your job is to outdo yourself, not anyone else.

Often Christians get jealous of other Christians, wishing for the preaching position, or the choir solo, or the recognition, or the spiritual gifts, or the knowledge or the seeming blessings of God. God made each of us special, and He loves each of us, and we all have to work together. If we accept that we each have a role to play, we each have some work to do in the Church at large, and each job is important, we can accept whatever place God has for us.

Husbands shouldn’t be jealous of wives. Specifically, we are referring to the kind of jealously we think of when we use the word envy. Husbands should not be envious of their wives, what they believe they are giving their wives, what they think their wives have and can do that they, as men, cannot. Husbands should also not be jealous in the sense of possessiveness or insecurity in their relationship unless they have been given due cause. The definition of love in Corinthians precludes it.

Enemies will often have things we want. They are popular. They have money. They have prestige. They have opportunities. Not only do they have it, they will often try to rub it in. If we commit ourselves to avoid being jealous of our enemies, or of anything our enemies might have, we learn to accept that everyone is different, and everyone has different things. It is also important to remember that often people, enemies in particular, won’t ever mention the things wrong in their lives, how hollow and empty they might feel, how afraid of losing it all they might be, nor will they talk about their insecurity that causes them to be your enemy when you are patient, kind and not jealous.

LOVE DOES NOT BRAG

It’s not bragging if two things exist, and both must be there. First, what you are saying must be true. If it isn’t true, it’s bragging, period. It’s bragging if you use the truth to give a false impression, casually omitting certain relevant facts so you look better, even if it isn’t strictly a lie. Of course if someone lies to make themselves look better, it’s bragging and lying both!

Second, your audience must want to hear it. If they are celebrating with you, if you’re campaigning for a elected position, if you are in the running for a promotion or a new job, then you want to be honest about your accomplishments and abilities. If someone else is celebrating, if someone else is supposed to be in the spotlight, if it will make someone feel bad, or if someone just isn’t interested, then it’s bragging. In that name of love, because love does not brag, watch who you tell about your accomplishments and abilities and when you tell them. Don’t steal someone’s spotlight.

Bragging to one’s enemies routinely has the effect of angering your enemy. For example, if someone is trying to antagonize you into a fight, he undoubtedly thinks he can beat you. If you brag to him that you study martial arts, and no student from your martial arts school has ever lost a fight, then you will have put his ego on the line and in jealousy, he will have to prove he can beat you. If you manage to convince him that he cannot beat you alone, then he might get two or three of his friends and then try to beat you. Love does not brag, so if we are to love our enemies, we do not brag to our enemies.

Loving our Neighbors means we don’t brag to our neighbors. We don’t steal their spotlight. If they’ve done something wonderful, and they are enjoying the praise due them for what they’ve done, it is not the time to say that you’ve done more or better or you know someone who did. We don’t try to make them feel bad, we don’t try to make ourselves look good. If someone wins a second place trophy, we don’t talk about the three first place trophies we won last month. We let them have their day in the sun. We don’t try to make ourselves out better than them, and, of course, we never exaggerate our own accomplishments.

Loving One Another means the same thing. We don’t talk about how wonderful it is to be able to go on missions overseas when you know the person to whom you are talking has a heart for missions, but cannot go due to responsibilities. We don’t talk about what wonderful things we’ve done for God to someone who may not feel they have done enough. We don’t talk about what blessings God has showered upon us when someone else is in hardship. There are spiritual braggarts, and we should not be among them.

Love our wives, spouses, and family members means we don’t brag to them as well. Husbands don’t brag to wives, making them feel inadequate. Imagine how it could make a wife feel when her husband talks about all the wonderful things going on at work, the excitement of new projects and how thrilled he is to be working on a project at a fabulous resort in the Bahamas. Imagine how a husband would feel if a wife really rubbed it in about all the wonders he missed because he’s at work fulfilling his duty as a provider. Brothers and sisters don’t brag to one another, trying to make themselves seem more important. We don’t steal the spotlight from those we love. If they’ve done well, give them praise.

LOVE IS NOT ARROGANT

Arrogance places too much importance on Self and not enough on others, principles or God. There is a fine line between arrogance and confidence, and one is bad and the other good. However, once you have crossed very far into the realm of arrogance, it is difficult to justify your position as anything other than haughty arrogance.

Another aspect of arrogance is considering one’s feelings or thoughts as more important than the Truth. In that sense, it is obvious that thinking too highly of yourself is arrogant, but so is thinking too lowly of yourself. It’s saying that bad feelings about yourself are more important than the reality of your skill and value.

Being arrogant toward God is to deny Him, to deny His character, to presume that we know better than He does. Being arrogant toward God means we decide when God is right. Being arrogant toward God means we dictate to Him what we think He ought to do. If we are angry with God, that is evidence of arrogance since that means that we think God ought to have done something our way instead of the way He already did it. If we are to love God, to truly love Him, that means we are humble before Him, realizing that He is God, and we are merely human. Once we have the full realization of who He is, it is easy to be humble. Loving God means we are humble before Him.

Loving one’s neighbors means we are not arrogant to anyone we chance across. An old saying “but for the grace of God, there go I” speaks volumes. It is a very short distance in human terms from the top of success to the bottom of failure. It doesn’t take many mistakes to start the downward spiral to desperation. Many people find themselves beset by the very thing they thought themselves best prepared to withstand. Pride precedes the fall, and God destroys the house of the proud. That is arrogance. The Pharisees were arrogant, and they were condemned for it. We must exercise humility with all people, and judge only with righteous judgment. Remember who you really are.

If Christians are to love one another, we cannot be arrogant to one another. Christians must know their place, and when we do, getting along is not often difficult. We are sinners, every last one of us, and when we start in to a holier than thou attitude, we must see the comparison with the Pharisees and examine the Scriptures thoroughly to see if our views are solid. We must be lovingly humble toward one another, and not think too highly of ourselves nor too low of others. We all have value to God, and none of us can do it on our own, so we all need God, period. As Christians, we have nothing over which to be arrogant.

Loving one’s wife means not being arrogant. The same applies for the rest of the family. We don’t get wrapped up in self-importance and belittle the value of others. A husband should value his wife, or, as the traditional vows said, “love, honor and cherish.” Although the man is called to be the spiritual leader in the house and the wife is called to submit, any good leader should know his strengths and weaknesses. Being a leader does not mean you have to the one calling all the shots. A good leader knows when someone else is better at something and leaves it to them. Certainly it is arrogant to beat a wife down and hold her back, keeping her from doing what God designed her to do. Some insecure husbands to this, but it is better to rise to the occasion.

Loving your enemies means you are not proud and contemptuous even of your enemies. These are the people you might think you have a right to condemn, but do not get arrogant. Some might find themselves shocked to learn that their enemy was right all along.

LOVE DOES NOT ACT UNBECOMINGLY

Loving God means that, as Christians, we are not to embarrass Him. Imagine what it must be like to God to watch the clean up crew after a Youth Convention have to clean up unbelievable messes, repair vandalism, and put up with rudeness. Then imagine those people are invited to church? Can you almost imagine God saying something like “That’s not what I’m like.” If we are to act becomingly for our God, we must be aware that we are always a witness for Jesus Christ. We certainly won’t be perfect, but we should try to act appropriately at all times.

Acting becomingly with neighbors, with everyone we are around, is important to display love for our neighbors. Remember that this means that you play by the rules of the place you are at. If you are a girl, and you normally wear makeup and pants, but you go to a place where the girls are expected to never wear makeup and always wear dresses, then you conform to show respect. If you go to a home where television is not allowed, don’t talk about your favorite shows. Follow the rules of proper conduct. Never compromise your own standards of decency. If you go to a place where they routinely behave in a manner you do not find personally acceptable, then you don’t relax your standards just because everyone else does. Higher standards of proper conduct seldom cause real problems, but in the name of appropriateness, do not spend your time preaching against those following the rules of their group.

Among Christians, not acting unbecomingly means obeying the standards of the group and keeping in mind the relative strength and weakness of many Christians. We should not push our views of rules or freedom on others unless it is our position to do so, and then we should not be surprised when they respond in any manner normal for people. Read Romans 14 for a discussion on the principles discussed in an old issue of eating meat sacrificed to idols.

Husbands, commanded to love their wives, must act appropriately around their wives. If there are things that disgust her, they should not be done in her presence, if possible. Belching contests are not often appreciated by women. Husbands should not be rude. While some might think that being rude to family is okay, consider who is more valuable to you, and who will stand by you, the total stranger, employer, or your wife? If you are to love, honor and cherish, then who has higher value? Treat your spouse and all your family members, as though they are important enough for your best behavior. Treat them that way, because they are the likely the most deserving of high honor in your life.

When dealing with our enemies, appropriate conduct is very important. In many cases, being polite, doing your duty, behaving correctly, and being civil will be enough for the worst of enemies to get along well enough so you and they can deal with one another. How well you handle situations with your enemies, how you behave under the worst of circumstances, is a testament to your character. At least your enemy will be given no cause to be angry based upon your conduct. If your character is strong enough, it will make it all but impossible for your enemies to justify anything they do to you. Give them no cause.

LOVE DOES NOT SEEK ITS OWN

If we are to be loving people, our own desires and interests cannot be so important that the needs and best things for others no longer matters. If we are selfish with God, it means that we want to keep what we have, no matter how right it might be to support our church, support missionaries, or engage in any form of ministry. Many people will skip all things religious for no better reason than “I don’t feel like it.” If you are a Christian, consider what God has done for you, and because of that (not to earn anything, God gives us salvation as a free gift) isn’t there anything we should be doing for Him?

Loving people naturally love their neighbors. It means that sometimes you take chances with people around you, such as risking your lawn mower by loaning it to a neighbor when theirs breaks. It might mean getting to the office five seconds later because you held the door for a stranger with full arms. It means giving the driver nearby room to change lanes so they can get off the ramp. It means we give the money back when we see that the cashier gave us too much change. Even salespeople can be loving by focusing on providing the best value for their customers, in which case they deserve their income, rather than just trying make a sale without any regard to the needs of the customer.

Not being selfish means we help. It means we inconvenience ourselves from time to time so we can make a difference for others, even if our own, selfish interests might lead us to ignore their need or take advantage of the situation.

Loving one another as Christians means we invest ourselves in one another through ministry. We go out of our way for one another. We support one another. Unfortunately, it often seems the cults are better at this than the Christian churches. It is critically important, however. We should not be focused only on what we get out of a church, but also on what we can give.

In marriage, selfishness can kill the relationship. A married couple is a single unit, and both the husband and wife should consider themselves as “us” before either of them thinks of “me.” If a husband seeks what he wants without considering his wife, and a wife seeks what she wants without considering her husband, and they both try to take, the marriage will be a disaster. Selfish parents who do nothing for their children unless it helps the parent are universally regarded as bad parents.

In dealing with enemies, selfishness will make an enemy that already does not like you justify his dislike. It allows him to cast you as the bad guy.

“Seeking your own” also implies prejudice. Love is not prejudiced. It means love does not segregate. Love regards people as people, and any basis to spend time with one group or another is based on objective, Biblical foundations only. Race, gender, and age are not proper reasons for avoiding people. The issue is the content of the character, not the color of the skin. Propriety may dictate that there are different behaviors based upon the person and the group rules (see Love Does Not Act Unbecomingly), but people are not judged by things not relevant to who they are as an individual.

LOVE IS NOT PROVOKED

The Greek verse doesn’t actually say “love is not provoked to anger.” The verse actually stops at “love is not provoked.” While we can assume it means anger by implication, we must also consider that love is not provoked to any emotional state. The person with a strong Agape character does not have his or her emotions controlled by others. We do not give the remote control to our emotional states to other people, family, friends or enemies. We do not make others responsible for how we feel, good or bad. This discussion, however, will focus on the most apparent provocation, provoked to anger.

God gets angry. Being loving does not mean that you never get angry. It means that you get angry, but you do not sin (Ephesians 4:28). In fact, the words used in that verse in Greek and the Hebrew reference to Psalm 4:4 imply an anger so strong that the body trembles with the emotion. It means that you get righteous indignation, that you get angry when evil is done, you get angry with injustice, but it is always righteous anger, and you do not let it control you. This kind of anger is not temperamental, petty, or selfish, but the kind of anger a loving mother might have when she sees that the actions of her child will lead that child down a dangerous path.

Love is not provoked means we do not turn control of our anger over to others. People will do things that break our personal rules, and they will hurt our feelings, but anger is an emotion that makes you want to destroy the threat or the source of the hurt. Feelings that lead us to harm others should always be under the control of our will, of our spirit, never the actions of others. We need to be able to decide when we take action for the sake of justice. The capstone item listed as fruit of the Spirit is self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). We are responsible for what we do in anger, so we must be in control of that for which we are responsible.

Similarly, a loving husband does not allow his wife to provoke him to anger. This is especially true in relationships in which the man is routinely more dangerous than the woman. Consider that this was being told to a culture in which many of the men were trained for war and were prepared to kill, and many of them had killed either in battle or defending criminal assaults when traveling. Women were so busy doing the full time work of the home that they almost never knew how to fight. In such a case, it is easy to see the danger of a husband who can be provoked to anger by his wife.

When someone tries to provoke you, they show that they are weak. Do not show you are weaker. Love is not provoked. Not by friend or enemy. Not by spouse, child, or parent. Loving people do not lose their temper. When someone does something that deserves punishment, and the loving person is responsible for that, then the punishment is wrought with justice, not anger.

LOVE DOES NOT TAKE INTO ACCOUNT A WRONG SUFFERED

Love does not take into account a wrong suffered (NASB), it does not keep a record of wrongs (NIV), it does not keep a record of evil (RV), it does not think evil (KJV). You forgive people. You let things go. You don’t have to “get back at someone.” Even the Old Testament teaches “Do not say ‘Thus I shall do to him as he has done to me’” (Proverbs 24:29) (“and eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” was the guide for the criminal justice system, NOT a guide for personal vengeance!). Just because someone else does something wrong to you does not justify doing something wrong to him. Forgiveness is fundamental in Christianity. If you do not forgive, if you keep an accounting of all an enemy does wrong to you, then you will be the one to suffer in the long run. God says to forgive. So we forgive.

The difference between a wrong done and a wrong suffered as that you can suffer a wrong without anyone doing a wrong. If there is an accident, you could suffer pain and injury even though no one did anything wrong. It was just an accident. Sometimes things come out wrong, or we hear things wrong, or something meant to be funny is actually hurtful. All these are incidents in which wrongs may be suffered even though none was intended.

Loving means forgiving. We are prone, often, to keep account of things that did not go our way. Sometimes, we blame God, and we don’t forgive Him, even if He didn’t do it. God forgave us, and we are to do likewise. The parable of the servant who was released from his debt by the king, who then had a fellow servant thrown in debtor’s prison for not paying a debt found his debt reinstated by the king. Matthew 18:35, the verse that concludes that story, indicates that our debts may be reinstated if we do not forgive. See also Matthew 6:14 and 15, and 7:1-2.

People, simply by virtue of being near one another, will offend each other from time to time. Often, people, when busy, are completely oblivious to what they are doing, what they are saying, or how it is coming across. People get stressed, upset, annoyed, bothered or emotional about any number of things that life throws at them, and then you come along. A wrong shall be done. Let it go.

We all have bad days. We are rude because we didn’t notice someone, not because we were intentionally ignoring them. Perhaps we made an idle comment not knowing how hurtful it was. We do it. Let it go when someone else does it.

We take things the wrong way. We take correction as criticism. We take discipline as hatred. We take authority as a lack of respect. We take things wrong. Others take things wrong when we didn’t mean anything hurtful by a comment or action, so give others the same benefit of the doubt you would like to receive, and let it go. Keep in mind that it says that Love Does Not Take Into Account a Wrong Suffered, meaning whether the other person meant it or not, we do not take it into account and hold it against them. It’s a learning experience as we discover elements of the other person’s character.

People are human. We are human. Human beings make mistakes. Human beings hurt others, do wrong, and sometimes we don’t even know it, while other times we do it on purpose. God says to let it go, so we let it go.

When dealing with our spouses, we must remember that what we feel does not necessarily have anything to do with reality. Imagine a husband who is working late trying to get a special project done at work so he can still have his weekend off to spend with his wife. Imagine that he loses track of time, but he finally finishes and have saved the weekend vacation by his efforts, maybe even earning a bonus that he plans to spend on his wife during the weekend. However, he got so wrapped up in his work that he forgot to call, and she’s upset because he didn’t come home on time and she had dinner ready.

In this scenario, he just spent hours working hard because he loves his wife and wants to give her a special weekend, and he had to finish this project to do that. However, she’s at home without word on why her husband is late. She is suffering a wrong. He is doing something good. If she counts this against him and criticizes him as soon as he finally makes it home, then he is suffering a wrong. He is in trouble because he was trying to do something good.

NOTE: Some wives would be quick to point out that it only takes a minute to make a phone call. While the statement is true, it overlooks the nature of a typical male mind. Men tend to be channel thinkers and when they get focused on something, they are often oblivious to anything else. In his mind, he is being criticized for not doing the good thing exactly the way she wanted. It blows all sense of appreciation for what he was trying to do and causes him to wonder why he bothers. He suffered a wrong for trying to do a right.

LOVE DOES NOT REJOICE IN UNRIGHTEOUSNESS

Very often people cheer for the person breaking the rules. The cool kid is the one that does what he isn’t supposed to do. People get excited to see if someone will get away with something. People think it’s funny to do things that hurt other people on purpose. Comedy is often an endless series of insults. Breaking the rules, pushing the limits, doing something dangerous, and even disasters hold a certain appeal.

Loving people, however, have a different view. Loving people do not think that hurting someone is funny. Loving people do not think that breaking good rules is exciting, but, rather, they see it as foolish. Loving people feel sad for people who don’t realize that they are hurting their own future by doing what is wrong. Loving people never cheer someone who is setting a bad example. We should not be happy when someone does something wrong. We shouldn’t be happy when someone has something bad happen to them, even if that person is our enemy.

The word in Greek that we translate unrighteousness is “Adikia.” This is a comprehensive word that encompasses all wrongs that can be done by people or to people. When the Bible tells us that Love Does Not Rejoice In Unrighteousness, it says that love isn’t pleased with anything wrong. Love isn’t happy when bad things happen to good people. Love isn’t even happy when bad things happen to bad people. It is simply a sad consequence of wrong conduct. Love does not get excited when there is injustice, when there is suffering, when there is any wrong being conducted between two people, any wrong happening to a person, or any wrong being done by a person.

God does not rejoice in unrighteousness. Neither should we.

We should not be happy or excited when someone else has a set back. If we are in competition, we should do our very best to win, but we should not be excited when the other team can’t play because one of the their team members got hurt. We want to win because we played better, not because someone else suffered.

We do not rejoice in someone sneaking into a theater, stealing something from a store, lying to their parents, cheating on their taxes, getting away with a crime, stealing a car, or any of the other wrong things a person can do. We do not rejoice when a guy “scores.” We do not rejoice when someone gets away from the police. We do not rejoice when some movie star or rock star does drugs. We do not rejoice when some politician gets away with a lie.

We should not rejoice in wrong conduct by our spouses or children, even if it is exciting or benefits us. If someone managed to cheat someone out of something and we get it, we shouldn’t want it. If a husband lied about a co-worker to get a promotion, we want it made right. If a child steals and brings valuables to the house, we want them returned. Love wants what is best, and what it best is what is right, not what has material value.

Love does not rejoice even when it is enemies that suffer. If someone we do not like is accused of something we know they did not do, we do not cheer that they got blamed for something, but we defend them. The issue with love is right and wrong, not whether or not someone “deserves” it. If they are getting punished for something they didn’t do, that’s wrong. If they are getting away with something they ought to be punished for, love will try to help see to it that they pay for their crime.

LOVE REJOICES IN THE TRUTH

Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. Love likes it when the truth wins out. There is an objective truth, and we must seek that truth. Love likes knowing what is true. We seek truth and wisdom. We rejoice when we discover truth. We rejoice when the truth wins over lies. Since this contrasts with Love Does Not Rejoice in Adikia, it also means that love likes it when good things happen to people, even if you would have preferred it happen to you.

Rejoicing in the truth here is contrasted with unrighteousness. While truth is what is not false, what is real, objective, in the sense that it contrasts unrighteousness, it means even more. The unrighteousness word means all wrong that can be done by or to a person, including any misfortune. In contrast, then, truth would imply everything good that can happen to a person.

We rejoice when something good happens to someone, even someone we don’t like, even the person who got the good thing that we wanted. Remember that love is not jealous! We rejoice when the best thing happens to someone, which is sometimes when they get caught and get in trouble. This even applies to you, so that you can learn not to do the bad thing you got caught doing. We rejoice in that.

Pure Truth is objective. It is real, and it is not subject to opinion. There might be areas in which truth may not quite apply, such as whether or not some piece of music is truly good or really noise, or a piece of art is abstract beauty or a piece of garbage. These are aesthetic things, and they are a matter of taste, emotion, personal views, etc.

However, other things are purely objective. God is who God is no matter who you think He is, and He exists whether or not you believe He exists. Heaven and Hell are real without any regard to what you believe. The Bible is true whether you believe in it or not. 2+2 = 4 even if you think it ought to equal 6. Your opinions and beliefs do not change this level of objective reality. Contrary to some philosophies, all of Creation is not ours to command with but a thought, or with any amount of belief that our opinion is true. Truth is Truth. We don’t create our own reality, we can only put interpretations on objective reality.

Love rejoices when someone comes to understand that kind of truth. Parents loving their children rejoice when their child begins to figure out how things are in Truth. They like their children figuring out mathematical truths, language truths, historical truths, and religious truths. Naturally, this assumes the parents know the truth, but they do rejoice when their children discover what they believe to be true.

This does not mean we seek to discover and publish every private detail. While there may be nothing wrong going on between a husband and a wife, there are certainly things that are best left private between them. One cannot justify invasion of privacy with “I’m just trying to find truth so I can rejoice in it!” There are some truths that are age appropriate, and others that are private personal matters not displayed in polite society.

Love rejoices in God’s Truth. Love rejoices when a neighbor receives a benefit. Love rejoices when a wife receives a sincere compliment. Love rejoices when Christians receive blessings. Love rejoices when enemies receive good things or things that are good for them. Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, in wrong, in bad things, love rejoices in truth, in right things, in good things, no matter who does them or gets them.

LOVE BEARS ALL THINGS

Love Bears All Things (NASB), Love Protects All Things (NIV), Love Beareth All Things (KJV). This is talking about bearing things you need to do to protect others. Good parents are prime examples of this. They do things for their children that are a tremendous sacrifice. They give up more than most children will ever know. They do it for love of their children. We should all have that kind of love for everyone, a willingness to do what we need to do to protect others, to help others, to make a difference in this world.

The Greek word implies bearing that which you must to protect others, covering for them. How many times do we hear “cover me” in war movies and police movies? It means that the person is about to expose himself to great danger and needs the other person to shoot at the enemy for him so he can get to an advantageous position. This is the same in life as it is in war, except that the enemy isn’t as obvious.

God has that kind of love for us. He protects us from the penalty of our own sin (the wages of sin is death - Romans 6:23), though not the natural consequences of sin (punishment, natural results from actions, etc.). He covers for us in this world, causing all things to work together for good, if we love Him and are walking in His will (Romans 8:28), trusting Him and cooperating with Him in the work He is trying to do in our lives.

We should bear all things for our neighbors. This can be as simple as helping someone with too many bags of groceries or a dead battery on their car. It certainly encompasses calling the police when someone is in danger or using our protection skills to defend others. It means we go out of our way for one another.

In the frontier days of the United States, when everyone needed to build a barn, the men of the community would gather at one farm and all work together to build the barn. In a day or two, the barn was done. Then all the men would move on to the next farm that needed a barn. Before harvest, everyone had a barn. That is bearing all things for your neighbors. If no one was willing to help others, no one man could have built a barn by himself, and at harvest, no one would have had a barn.

It means for Christians that we bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), helping one another when times are hard, even, or especially spiritually. It means praying for one another. It means praying with one another. It means helping support missionaries, churches, and ministries. It includes visiting one another, ministering to one another, and so much more. Obviously we are not all gifted in all things, but we utilize those gifts for the Church body.

Love Bears All Things includes doing it with families. It is astonishing how many families fight and bicker with one another so often, that when a major outside threat crashes into the family, like a financial crisis, they expend more energy fighting about who’s fault it is that they do solving the problem! If families, husbands and wives, band together, bearing things for one another, protecting one another, and fighting as a team against the problem, it is amazing what can be overcome.

Consider the difference between a husband and wife who fight with one another when there’s an outside problem, like a financial challenge, or a husband and wife that fight alongside one another. How much more motivated might a husband be in his job search if his wife told him that she would hold the fort at home with the kids and look for ways to cut expenses, basically saying “Go do the part you need to do, I’ve got your back.”

Remember that all this applies to our enemies, too. We Bear All Things for them, helping them, protecting them, and investing ourselves in them as appropriate. It astonishes people that someone to whom they have been an enemy would help them, and often an enemy can be made into a friend. Even when it may seem that an enemy has no appreciation for the effort, which is frequently the case, it certainly casts you in the position of the good guy.

LOVE BELIEVES ALL THINGS

First, this does not mean you believe everything everyone tells you. Not everything can be true. You do, however, believe all True Things, and you believe in people. You always maintain that everyone you love has potential, the ability to become all the God designed them to be. Even when someone does something bad, you still believe in them. Someone may have to earn back your trust if they’ve proven themselves of poor character, but you believe they can change.

Love believes all things (NASB), Love always trusts (NIV). If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him (LB). This does not mean we believe everything someone says, since we know that people exaggerate, we know that people remember differently, and we know that people lie, but that doesn’t mean we stop believing in them.

If we love God, we will believe Him in everything since we know that He is trustworthy. Sometimes, though, God lets us down. We wanted something, maybe something critically important to us, and we prayed continually, earnestly believing, and God didn’t give us what we wanted. We trust that He knows better than we know, and we believe in Him anyway, no matter what happens. We may also want to consider that maybe it was something we should have done something about ourselves, or something someone else should have done.

If we love our neighbor, we believe in him, too. We may know whether or not we can trust him, or his opinions, or his stories, but we always believe in him. We always trust that he can be what God has designed him to be, no matter how far away from it he may be at the moment. We never lose faith in the power of God’s design, and the power of God in a person’s life, should they turn their lives over to Him completely and forever. We see potential in people, and we respect what we know they can do, and we always hope for the best for everyone. Since we are to love our neighbors as ourselves, it means we should always believe in ourselves as well.

If we love one another as Christians, we believe in one another. God is working in all our lives, and none of us have it perfect, yet. We are careful not to rail against the speck in our brother’s eye until we have made certain we do not have a log in our own eye, then we help remove the speck with love and gentleness (Luke 6:41). Consider how gently you must work, how much cooperation it would take to remove a speck from someone’s eye. That’s how you help a fellow Christian through a problem.

If we love our spouses, our families, then we believe in them. We trust that they can achieve their dreams and goals if they truly work toward them. We believe in them, even if it would take a complete turnaround on their part to do it. We always know that they have it in them. Our belief in them may not always be realized, and in very extreme cases we may even have to take protective measures to keep their mistakes from causing undue harm to us and our responsibilities, but we don’t stop believing in them.

The power in someone’s life knowing that their spouse believes in them can be tremendous. Knowing that the most important human being in your life believes in you can inspire and drive someone forward to seek that potential that their partner sees in them.

If we love our enemies, we always believe they can turn their lives around. Sometimes all they need is one time when their victim really hurts them back. Sometimes they need to go to jail. Sometimes they just need someone in their lives to stop them cold in their tracks and still believe in them. Whatever it will take for your enemy to change, you always believe in them, and when (if) they do change, you forgive them their past, behave toward them based upon the present, and hope for the best in their lives.

LOVE HOPES ALL THINGS

Love Hopes All Things means that you always hope that things will work out right. When parents love their children, they hang on to hope that no matter what happens with their child, that he or she will learn, will understand, will be happy, responsible and well adjusted. Even when you deal with your enemies, you hope that they will learn. You always hope for the best, even if you aren’t sure you will ever see it. It takes believing in people, and hoping that they fully realize the potential you see in them.

Loving God means hoping God gets as much of what He wants as possible. Though God is all powerful, He does not get everything He wants. He gave us free will to choose to love Him or choose to reject Him, even though it is His will that we all be saved. Part of our love for Him is that He gets as many as possible. It means that we hope that His children, Christians, will come to know the truth and understand who God really is and what He really wants. It means that we hold out hope for the world.

Loving our neighbors means we hold on to hope for our neighbors. We hope they will get through things okay when we know they have problems. Often, this means we help, especially where we can do some good such as after a natural disaster. Sometimes, our help is limited to prayer, taking the matter before God. While prayer is always a powerful tool and is a potent component of dealing with any problem, big or small, if we do not know what to do or if we know we can do nothing, it is the single thing we can always do no matter the problem.

Loving fellow Christians means we hold on to hope for the Church, for individual churches, for one another. It means all the things that holding on to hope for our neighbors, and holding to hope for the future. In the Christian context, the hope that is within us sometimes refers to Eternal Life. It means we hope that everyone in the church really is living in the grace of God and has a true relationship with God, even, or especially when their conduct may make it appear to us that they do not. We hold on to hope for missionaries, ministries, pastors, priests, and ministers, for all of God’s people to seek and understand God’s truth and live their lives accordingly. Even when things seem bleakest for God’s people, we never completely lose hope.

Loving your wife means you always hold out hope that she will get through anything and be all that God designed her to be. Too many husbands hold their wives back and grind them under with masculine authority. But a loving husband, full of hope for the full and complete realization of all God made his wife to be, seeks to add to her life, to help her become and achieve what God has set before her.

In all cases, one cannot hope and sabotage at the same time. One does not hope that a car reaches it’s destination while pounding on the engine with a sledge hammer. One does not hope to survive a storm flood while walking to the most dangerous parts of it. True hope means you are working toward something, and hoping to achieve it. One does not walk south and hope to reach a destination to the north. So Love Hopes All Things also means we help people, with prayer and whatever other means are available to us.

LOVE ENDURES ALL THINGS

The word endure here means to bear up courageously under suffering. When we might not feel like loving someone, when we have to put up with the worst a person has to offer, we endure it and keep loving them. Isn’t it wonderful that parents do that for children? Imagine what would happen if parents didn’t have enduring love for their children! At some time our lives, often as infants and again as teens, our parents have to have enduring love.

Love endures. Love perseveres. Love holds up courageously under suffering. Very often, love means that suffering will come. A parent whose child is deathly ill knows that it is love for their child that makes the illness so unbearable for the parent. A wife who receives word that her husband is missing in action during wartime knows that love can bring suffering. Sometimes, love hurts. The Bible says that love endures, despite the hurts. Love survives. Love lives on.

Job’s love for God endured despite his suffering at the hands of Satan. The Bible says to count it all joy when you suffer (James 1:2-4). We don’t always get what we want. Sometimes, bad things happen. It is one of the costs of living in a fallen world with sinful men who have free will. Our love for God endures anyway.

Our love for our neighbors endures despite hard times. In fact, in times of disaster, when things are at their worst, our love for our neighbors sometimes is at it’s strongest. After floods, earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes and fires we band together with our neighbors and we remember that we are love our neighbors.

Our love for one another as Christians endures our own sin, our own failings as a church, as people. Our love for our spouses and families endures the hardship of death in the family, of financial disaster, of turmoil with the children, of any disaster that may come. Love endures because we are on the same side, we team up with one another, we stay focused on the love. It always has power and priority in our lives.

Our love for our enemies endures the onslaught of our enemies. Our love for our enemies is without condition, without malice, with full courage and endurance to face those who hate us, to refuse to return evil for evil, hate for hate, or anger for anger. Remember that Agape love is unconditional, that it is a decision and a series of decisions. It cannot be earned, so it cannot be unearned. There is nothing any person can do to acquire it, and there is nothing an enemy can do to make it go away.

It is often during the most trying of times, the most difficult of situations that you character of love is put to the test. That’s when you find out how much of your love for a person is Eros (which can vanish with a moment’s interruption), Phileo (which can go away) or Agape. It is a test of your heart, your emotional endurance, and a choice you make to decide how that enduring love will manifest.

LOVE NEVER FAILS

Having explored what the Bible says about Agape Love, we can finish with the final statement: Love Never Fails. This means that Agape never stops. Agape cannot be earned, so therefore, it cannot be unearned. There is nothing you can do to get it, and nothing you can do to make it go away.

However, remember that human beings have a finite amount of it, so it is possible to exceed someone’s Agape limit. That doesn’t mean that the Agape love isn’t there, just that it’s been burdened beyond what it can bear. We should always try to build Agape character so we make it harder for others to exceed our limits.

The final statement in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 talking about love says that Love Never Fails. That just means that love will continue no matter what. In fact, of faith, hope and love, love is greatest precisely because love never stops.

Faith is the evidence of things hoped for, conviction of things unseen, but 1 Corinthians 13 tells us that we will know fully, and if we know, there is no need for a leap of faith. Hope is similar. One does not hope to receive that which one already has. Faith and hope will both be fulfilled. Love continues on into eternity because we continue into eternity. In the here and now and the hereafter, love never fails.