Everyone wants to be loved, even if they say they don’t and really, honestly think they don’t. If they don’t, it usually won’t take much inquiry to figure out that it isn’t the love they don’t want, it’s the hurt, betrayal, and breaking up part that often follows a love relatonship gone bad that they don’t want. If they could actually get real, genuine, honest-to-goodness love, they’d love it. Sometimes, though, they don’t believe it exists.
Love, while a fairly universal need, involves different types of love. While perhaps not strictly academic, we use the Greek terms Agape, Phileo and Eros to represent unconditional love, conditional love, and passion. Agape is the unconditional love that flows from one’s own character, the kind of love that is pure choice, that is totally under the control of the lover no matter the actions or character of the loved. This is a foundational maturation of character that is essential for building a truly powerful relationship. Agape cannot be earned or unearned.
Phileo is conditional. This is what you might consider friendship, attraction or liking someone. This love can be earned. It can also be unearned. Understanding that, we know that while attacking a relationship or trying to make someone jealous or angry might be a dangerously destructive way to test someone’s Agape love, it devastates Phileo. Phileo love is cultivated over time, being built up or torn down. Be aware that positive isn’t nearly as powerful as negative, so this love is easier to destroy than it is to build.
Eros is passion, excitement, play, and sex. This is pure fun. It is about pleasure and about the moment. Agape does not change according to one’s conduct,
How people receive love, even varying with each type of love, varies from person to person. That will be discussed in greater detail when we discuss Love Languages,* Modalities* and Personalities.* *NOTE: Webusers - this information is not posted.