My wife and I are very playful. We have cute words, and we spend a great deal of time just playing, just having fun. We watch happy children, and we note that happy children are playful children. Being responsible does not mean you cannot play. If we’ve done everything we have to do, is there any reason why we should be barred from having some fun?
Consider that I am a martial arts master, a lawyer, a Ph.D., a leader and teacher. My wife is a martial arts instructor, leader and teacher. We are both responsible adults with a lot of work to do who hold positions of responsibility and authority. Many would be shocked to see the level of playfulness sprinkled through our day. It might even be a little embarrassing for people to walk in on some of our cuter moments. We both enjoy our playing, though. It makes life fun and gets us through even the toughest of times.
It’s not playfulness when one person does something annoying or hurtful to the other, excused with a “I’m just playing” or “Can’t you take a joke?” That’s not play. That hurtfulness disguised as humor. Insulting jokes, put downs, annoying or hurtful acts that entertain one person at the expense of another are not the playful acts that build a relationship. They are simply slightly less destructive ways of tearing a relationship apart.
It is strange that we forget the need to have fun. Especially among people of spirituality or authority, people who hold positions of honor or power, there is a tendency to discount the need for play. “I have to be a responsible adult” they think, “and playing is irresponsible.”
Even my youngest children learn that responsibility is doing what they are supposed to do without being told (as opposed to obedience, which is doing it when you are told). What is it about being responsible, about doing everything you are expected and required to do, that precludes having fun when the work is done? How is taking playful pleasure out of life irresponsible?
Adults with children are often playful. They recognize the child’s need to play, and they want the child to have a fun life. What reason is there for the fun to stop? Children can have fun doing the most innocent things - chasing butterflies, spinning in circles, or just running around! Fun doesn’t have to be wrong, hurtful or destructive. Where that notion came from I don’t know, but I do know that it’s wrong.
Many adults think they have to drink to have fun. It is almost as though being drunk gives them permission to enjoy themselves, because sober adults would never dream of being silly. Many adults think that humor has to be biting or insulting to be funny, and rather than just honoring someone, “roasts” are common because insults are so easy. Yes, it’s all in fun, and at a “roast” everyone knows that it’s supposed to be funny put downs and comments, but imagine living your life the perpetual subject of a roast by your spouse? It would not take long for that to get really, really old.
Returning to the childlike playfulness between husbands and wives is important. It must be in a manner that is pleasurable to both. Just a little playfulness can alleviate a tremendous amount of stress, and marriage can be fun. Many people live marriage like it’s a collection of responsibilities, work, and sophisticated, dignified expressions of appropriate levels of affection. After all, they are responsible adults, and everyone knows that responsible, moral spiritual adults aren’t supposed to actually have fun. Marriage is hard work, you know!
No it isn’t! It’s fun! It’s exciting! It’s an adventure! Have more fun!
The need for play is so overlooked by adults. Play isn’t just recreation. That’s recreation - relaxation, competition, site seeing, doing things that don’t involve work and don’t necessarily involve responsibilities. Play is something at a whole different level. Play is fun, exciting ways of doing things that makes life worth living.
If you have any questions about play, watch children do it. Watch them run and laugh and smile and climb and giggle. Watch them enjoying the simplest things in life. They can run in circles and fall down in a giggle fit. What makes them laugh and giggle? Why can’t we do that anymore? What are some parts of childlike (not childish) play we can do as adults?
We need to play. It makes life so much fun. It makes the biggest challenges into an adventure to be faced together. It diffuses pain. It allows taking life’s lumps with good humor and joy. Play is such a simple thing, but incredibly powerful.